Anger towards God in times of grief

Anger towards God in times of grief

Anger towards God and to fellow human beings is said to be one of the strongest sins in religious life and in societies at large. It is something we dare to express in a direct way. Anger though is very real and can become very destructive. What we do not realize is that what triggers anger is pain that comes from loss, rejection, unfulfillment, disappointment and dismay. 

In literature, such as in the works of Dostoyevsky, anger and discontent are very well portrayed as a part of life that cannot be avoided. In The Brothers Karamazov, Ivan rebels against God for the injustice and loss people must endure, such as the early death in childhood. In Crime and Punishment, the suffering peasants express their discontent and feelings of worthlessness for all they must encounter.

What we forget is that if we have an open and free relationship with God, our human emotions, such as anger, cannot be hidden. If we have an honest relationship with Him, we will express our anger, doubts, fears and discontent to Him in a direct and honest way.

Job, who is often portrayed as the ultimate example of patience, curses the day of his birth and laments his existence, expressing a profound sense of despair (Job 7) and he laments that he cannot find God to present his case and questions why the wicked prosper while the innocent suffer (Job 23-24).

Christ, in experiencing the totality of human suffering on the Cross, cries out the words “My God, My God why have you abandoned me”. Cyril of Alexandria taught that this cry demonstrates that Christ’s suffering is real, not merely an illusion, affirming the truth of the Incarnation. St.   Maximos the Confessor states that here, Christ expresses his solidarity with the human race. The Cross declares suffering caused by a need to reaffirm one’s self in reaffirming one’s power in destructive ways. The Crucifixion is the result of  pride, rejection and hatred, when one denies and separates oneself from God and rejects others. All of these are expressions of destructive anger. Yet Christ on the Cross remains righteous, without sin, in that He remains in a loving and obedient relationship with His Father.

Tavye, in the play “Fiddler on the Roof” has a direct relationship with God.  During one of the scenes of the play, the Cossacks, a quasi-military force that guards borders and performs police duties, violently disrupts his daughter’s joyous wedding celebration, overturning tables, damaging the wedding gifts and causing destruction in the village. In the next scene, Tavye comes on to the stage, lifts his head toward the heavens and in a low and distraught voice tells God: “That was quite a dowry you gave my daughter Tzeitel at her wedding. Was that necessary?”

“Was that necessary?” The “why” behind this question expresses a type of anger that is associated with frustration, an expression of pain, the inability to accept loss, and mostly the difficulty to understand why and what happened.  

Job and Tavye, portray life’s predicaments. They are bitter because they feel their personal dignity, their “human right”, has been defamed. God’s response to Job puts a perspective on this when he asks Job: “Will you condemn me so that you may be righteous?” (Job 40:8).

Expressing our anger and discontent to God is part of an open relationship with Him. For there are truly times when we feel that all has been destroyed in our life in a very unjust and inhuman way; a time  when we cannot understand the “why” behind our losses.  The danger comes when we hold to and cultivate our anger in different ways.  It is then that anger and bewilderment become a hatred and destructive bitterness. It is then that we run the danger of acting out our anger in a destructive way to others and to ourselves, which, in the end, will only cause more suffering and pain for all.  

Even more, we will run the danger of cursing God and totally rejecting him and breaking our relationship with Him. In doing so, we will demolish the only hope for ultimate justification, salvation and mercy found in His love. We will not allow Him, who is the true Comforter, to comfort us in our dismay.  

Job is rebuked because he speaks as if he can understand and know all the works of God. Tavye reacts to the destruction that he has suffered in a way where he knows that he cannot understand everything. Both have difficulty in accepting what has happened. At the end, they come to realize that they cannot fully understand the “why” behind what has happened. This adds to their personal dignity in that it makes them humble persons who struggle with their faith and their relationship with Creator. 

In like manor, during our times of discontent, in cultivating this humility we will be able to face God as Job did and say: “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees You” (Job 42:5).

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